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Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

bjorkisinmybed

1:19a to detach oneself from their reality they must not feel enjoyment. pain does not exist. boredom is flickering. all there is life. it comes and goes. there is nothing new about it. the past and future do not matter. the present is it.

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Monday, December 14th, 2009

hstryinthemakng

6:11p It's winter break. I'm home. I would love to see you again.

Sunday, December 13th, 2009

bjorkisinmybed

12:01a pulling on the undertow Was just reading through my old LJ posts and I actually couldn't even recognise myself back in 2006-2007. I do not like the person I've become. I decided last year that I was never going to amount to anything and with it all my innocence flew out of the window while the tornado hit. I'm near the verge of tears because I don't know how to stop it. What am I doing wrong? Anyone want to run away for awhile and travel around the United States? Detours are possible to Canada and Mexico. I need to clear my head. Please take me away from the fucking concrete and asphalt. I can't accept things for the way they are. I can't even write anymore...that's how bored and mindless I've become. What the fuck.

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Thursday, December 10th, 2009

basicallybiff

4:22a Whoa! Livejournal still exists...? I think I reread my livejournal once a year, generally around winter. It is bizarre how fast time goes. I remember starting this right before I entered college. It is a shame I deleted many of the posts, not that they had any sort of value, just interesting to know that things actually happened between me going to sleep four years ago and waking up this morning. It is amazing to think how much has changed from the time I started this. My prose has improved, I think, but it was pretty terrible to begin with. I went through college. I think the whole experience is over-glorified by most people. Most of my classes were garbage, really. I think my best courses were the two English courses with Dr. Mulligan and Mythology. My first teaching course for the MAT program was enjoyable (And disturbingly easy), but honestly, I learned nothing of value. I wasted a great deal of time on a minor that I will not be completing. I made some friends, when I got here. That lasted two years or so. After moving two miles away from campus, I have not heard from anyone in months, aside from talking to people in my classes. Now, I am a hermit. I am okay with this, though. I have a pretty comfortable set-up. These days, everyone is busy, I suppose. In a few months, most everyone I have met here will get their degrees, and I won't hear from them again. I will be staying, I guess, for another year. I'll get a Master's degree for teaching in Newport News. Then, I will never teach in Newport News again. I don't know where I'll be heading after that. I have over a year to figure that out. I'll probably remain in Virginia, but Connecticut does have the highest average pay for teachers... Only two exams away from being through another semester. Sociology and Psychology. Both on education, contradicting one another. From my lit classes this semester, I have decided that if you can write a paper that is grammatically sound and meets the length requirement, you cannot fail. I wrote the most shameful paper of my life last week. I was embarrassed to turn it in and terrified to get it back. The professor actually talked about how hard she is on grading. I got it back and skimmed the front page of comments, such as "Connect this to your thesis" and "Unclear" and "Plot Summary" and "Where is your thesis?". I got a B. I think this will be the first winter in years that I won't be miserable. I mean, I enjoyed most of last winter, but I only enjoyed it, because Mike and I were both miserable, and we just whined about loneliness and women. I don't think I will be whining about either this winter. Then, the last semester of my undergraduate experience. There have been laughs, tears, countless walks, worthless papers, fragmented knowledge, etc. I think it is going to be a good ending. My classes sound interesting on paper (or in type, rather). 20th Century British Literature, Senior Seminar (On Monsters = Fuck yes!), The Structure of English (Grammar is totally awesome!), Multicultural Literature (With the sexist / racist English professor, both working against me), Gender Communication (Yeah, I don't know why I am required to take this either). Then, I get a Bachelor's degree! And then go right back to the classroom for my summer. I hope I have students that find this one day and make fun of me.

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